Knowing

I've been all in a tizzy for a little over a year now because I don't know where I belong.

It's one of those low-level, bassline thoughts that dictates the rhythm of life - you have those too?

Until I graduated from my masters program, I knew exactly what I was doing, where I was going. Defined completely by what I wanted to know and do.

Well, now I know I don't know much about anything. Almost nothing about what I want. Less about who I am and what I should do.

This internal debate is embodied in the DC v NYC debacle: Stay or move? Stay put or stay away? Go home, go back, go beyond?

Really, it's all about knowing and being known.

The gritty, hostile and raw anonymity is what drew me to new york - becoming known in a place where no one knows anyone. It's the dream of all transplants.

The gritty, hostile and raw reality of who I am drove me from DC - being known in the place where I know everyone. I had to escape!

But now I know that new york isn't as gritty and raw as I'd imagined. And for those that know me - well, so much for anonymity! Purple pants indeed!

Now something is driving me home. I want to be known. I want to know myself better, and I think maybe being with the people who know me best is the way I want to be defined.

So I think I know...at least this one thing.