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The Bacheolorette: Emily and the Package Deal 5

'Ere we are in Londontown with Emily and the suitors in Episode 5...

One-on-one with Sean -- "love takes no prisoners" -- and within minutes, "it's safe to say [he's] falling for this girl."

Meanwhile, the episode's primary conflict is set up, as Kalon, Jef, and Arie sit around the hotel commiserating about group dates. When Kalon says "pretty much every date is going to be a group date - it's going to be you, her, and Ricki," Jef and Arie are not amused.

As Sean and Emily tour downtown London, she's "having, like, the perfect day." At Speaker's Corner, Sean steps onto the soap box to declare his hope for "great love," and Emily's "didn't know you had it in ya," confirms that she's impressed.
Dinner's at the Tower of London, and Emily's increasingly hoarse. She's "surprised" that he's "like, perfect," and even when she tells him she wants "lots of kids," like, "asap," Sean is gracious and wins the rose. When Emily hands it over, even she seems tired of the official pantomime: "Suitors Name, would you please accept this rose?" 

Group date card appears -- "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" -- and Kalon's pissed, cause the list narrows down to Jef for the week's second one-on-one. They're playing Shakespeare of course, and all the guys miss the point: have fun! By this time, Emily's hoarseness has started to undermine her typical "sweet girl" voice, inadvertently making her sound way tougher...foreshadowing the dramatic end to the night. Alejandro stands out, John and Chris score the best costumes by far, and the producers show us, reluctantly, how devilishly charming Ryan can be. Arie dies of fear, but really commits to the humor, and unwittingly nails the part of Juliet's Nurse, even though he's "not a thesbian."

At the party, word spreads about Kalon and his "Ricki's baggage" comment [did he say that?], and the men ally against him. Doug is [self?] nominated to break the news. Emily's momma lion comes roaring out, and she threatens "to go West Virginia hood rat, back woods on his ass." In the confrontation, she finds "the most ladylike way" to handle it, but at least drops a healthy "get the FUCK out" on him; even better, she uses one of his own lines to throw Kalon's arrogance back in his face. We're left, somewhat anti-climactically, with Emily promising that if she had a voice, she'd "tell him what she really thought." Doug's attempt to comfort is brusquely thrown off, and Emily takes a walk to collect herself. Angry that none of the men told her, or bothered to stand up for her, she punishes all by refusing to hand out the rose. In the post-departure chat, Emily's mad cause no one "has [her] back."

Jef's one-on-one -- "?" -- starts off with a lesson in tea-time etiquette, which both he and Emily bumble through uncomfortably. It unites them in mutual awkwardness, though, and when Jean the etiquette maven "goes to the loo," they make like a tea and leave [sorry. no, not really]. At the pub, Jef admits he stood up for her honor, and Emily "feels there's a lot of attraction" between them, but still finds Jef "hard to read." She "needs him to show [her] he's into [her]," and, miraculously, at the very end of their date, he does. He actually says, "I feel like I missed some opportunities to kind of show you why I'm here, not just tell you," and they kiss. Finally.

The rose ceremony party is tense: "guys are starting to realize she's not playing around." Arie disappoints for the first time, and Emily "finds herself liking [Ryan] more and more." Sean's big muscles make Emily feel like, if he'd been there, "something like that would never have happened." Handing out the roses, Emily's pensive...leaving Arie to sweat til the last rose, and [you've been waiting weeks, I know] Ricky Spanish is sent packing, for no particular reason.

Until next time, watchers!

[Back to Episode 4]

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