best when viewed in low light


Big brother

i took this with my iphone


SPOM: Cory Arcangel

How can one guy be simultaneously trite and insightful?

Perfectly digital age.



It's totally appropriate that this should be my 1000th log entry:

You blow my mind on the daily, mom.


Richard Beeman: the anti-David Barton

For a comedian, you rock at the journalistic follow-up. And I don't even mind that much that you're mercilessly pushing your own agenda, Jon!

Home away from home

It's innovation!


Big bang theory

I watched a hilarious Family Guy episode the other night which surmised that Stewie had created the big bang and, subsequently, the entire universe.

That reference is relevant, promise, but it'll take me a second to get there.

Some people have had a massive, identity defining impact in my life. Friends and family, of course, but with lovers...there have been two.

Two people in 33 years that make my brain leak out my ears, shred my heart into pieces, and dance my soul happily out of my physical limitations into some kind of blissful ether. At least, that's how I felt/feel about them.

In each case, for a brief and utterly wonderful moment, I was absolutely certain that I would be with one of these people a fraking fairy tale. They weren't so sure. In fact, they were both absolutely sure that I wasn't the one for them.

The short and sweet: Saw one of 'em today. Panicked instantaneously. Collected myself, said a polite hello, left. Wondered since whether I'd want him to get in touch or not. Catch up? Are you not married anymore? Cause I'm the same.

Beyond the personal drama: We're not together forever and clearly never how could I possibly feel the way I do? And even more so, be the only one of just us two?

Because that's what you signify to me - like my own emotional big bang.

The whatever-word-that-is-so-much-bigger-than-love that I had for you at another moment in spacetime is so powerful that I believe it can last forever. The self-begetting universe/woman.

Now that's absurdly funny. It ruined my fraking day! And then it didn't. And I'll be using up the last seconds of today vowing not to let it ripple disruptively through my tomorrow. I know the words "let go".


It's a sickness, but

[via Nice Kicks]

I think this says it best:

Sometimes the universe provides an awesome photo op - and then it has the perfect place to go.



SPOM: See the sky

I am so impressed with the women in my life right now! Y'all are fraking spectacular!

And, speaking of spectacles...

thx Mom! xox

Props: Bear Mountain!

Way to go, grrrl!

"20th! I rode as well as I could've hoped. It was a dark foggy wet morning.
I got dropped on the first climb(it was like 3 miles)-had it not been for my asth-mar and all the wheezing, i'd've gotten on to the back . Legs were feeling strongish. Ended up forming a foursome and "reverse pace lining" (new to me) for fifteen HARD miles. The group ended up splintering and I finished the last 5 miles or so on my own. Lonely. The fog was so thick I thought I'd lost touch with the course entirely. Eventually the shadowy tent of the finish line appeared through my squinty saturated eyelashes. I put the hammer on once more to look strong for all the eager onlookers and photographers.

they pulled like 13 people right out because they got too far back. I felt good about my result. It was a 3/4 race for one thing...
Think it was the hardest I ever rode. Was fun!"



Unofficial Book Club Digest: The Ascent of Money

Rather than rant endlessly about the brilliance of this book, I'll quote extensively:

"...On reflection, we have been here before. A hundred years ago, in the first age of globalization, many investors thought there was a similarly symbiotic relationships between the world's financial centre, Britain, and continental Europe's most dynamic industrial economy. That economy was Germany's. Then, as today, there was a fine line between symbiosis and rivalry. Could anything trigger another breakdown of globalization like the one that happened in 1914? The obvious answer is a deterioration of political relations between the United States and China, whether over trade, Taiwan, Tibet or some other as yet subliminal issue [emphasis added]. The scenario may seem implausible. Yet it is easy to see how future historians could retrospectively construct plausible chains of causation to explain such a turn of events. (340)"

"It seems that, for all our ingenuity [innovating different forms of representative value - currency, derivatives, commodities, etc], we are doomed to be 'fooled by randomness' and surprised by 'black swans'. It may even be that we are now living through the painful deflation of a multi-decade 'super bubble'.
There are three fundamental reasons for this. The first is that so much about the future - or, rather, futures, since there is never a singular future - lies in the realm of uncertainty, as opposed to calculable risk...brilliantly expressed by Keynes in 1937. 'By "uncertain" knowledge,' he wrote in a response to critics of his General Theory,
...I do not mean merely to distinguish what is known for certain from what is only probable. The game of roulette is not subject, in this sense, to uncertainty ... The expectation of life is only slightly uncertain. Even the weather is only moderately uncertain. The sense in which I am using the term is that in which the prospect of a European war is uncertain [remember, he's writing this in 1937], or ... the rate of interest twenty years hence... About these matters there is no scientific basis on which to form any calculable probability whatever. We simply do not know. (344-5)"

Again, the book is The Ascent of Money: A financial history of the world by Niall Ferguson.

[For the textually challenged, there's also this PBS Special.]

Unofficial Book Club: Oroonoko

The next title in the Unofficial Book Club:


Raise your spirit

Still processing

I'm still not really sure how to respond to the whole "death of OBL" thing. Or, better stated, I am having a hard time reconciling a vast array of emotions. I must resort to bullet-pointing (ha!) a few of them, because a narrative seems overwhelming:

1. Frak yeah! So glad that terrorist is dead! Kinda wish I was one of those badass Spec Ops guys that got to train for and execute (ha!) this mission.

2. What does it even matter that OBL is dead? We're still at war(s), we're still living in a post-9/11 world, and that's not going to change any time soon...scratch that: EVER.

3. If anything, his death makes him a martyr for his cause, which galvanizes Al Qaeda and gives them more reason to hate US and act on it.

4. I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, but it's kinda wild, the political timing of this mission. I mean, last week the news was about S&P dropping the US's rating! But really, who would have the balls to downgrade #1 Awesome US of Frakin' A today?

5. Finally, finally, the hunt is over! (But isn't it the hunt we love?)

6. I don't agree with Islamic fundamentalism, but I do believe they are expressing an undercurrent of political and social sentiment that sees the Foucaultian hypocrisy of a democratic capitalism. And even though I would much prefer that they find a nonviolent way to bring that to our collective attention...even Batman bows to the powers that be, dark knight that he is.

7. I just finished an incredible book that I will no doubt post about at greater length called The Ascent of Money and, well, it seems that our entire economy is in some way dependent on the ideological and economic continuation of deep divides between groups of people across the world. It's what causes the ups and downs, the disputes over prices and value, the tariffs that, 100 years from now, will be claimed by some historian as the early roots of WWIII (the battle with China). And the democratization of the Arab nations and the US's interference/assistance in that part of the world will be just a causal footnote on the steady march of humanity towards an uncertain future.

8. Sweet. Now that's done, we can end all our wars, revitalize our nation, and stop messing about in other countries' affairs, right?!

9. Vindication though this may be, it doesn't bring anybody or anything back. I will never again lie in the sun, the crown of my head just touching the inside corner of Tower 2 and look up along that distorted vertical plane into a cloudless September sky. So much was lost. I hope we can appreciate what we've gained...though I'm not sure what that is, exactly.

I'm not sure whether I feel like crying for the loss of innocence, or from futility. Maybe both. I was so young then.



Church vans

Like any religious white 30 something in New York City, i get up Sunday morning and ride my bicycle along 9W to Nyack.

Leaving my Bed Stuy neighborhood, I see a lot of Black Church Vans, going around and - I presume - shuttling tons of Black people to and from church. And I'm all for that.

As long as what they're teaching Black people in church are practical strategies for overthrowing the absolutist (primarily white) patriarchy...because if they're not, I feel like they're really not doing their jobs!

[Damn! I was going somewhere with this... I had this down perfectly this morning. It was going to be my first "bit" - which I would presumably perform on some stand-up open mic disaster in the near future... got some work to do on that one. There's another good one that I can't remember the content of, just that I had it filed in my mind as "the why i'm always single" bit. Curses...!]

In the past...