Somebody Got Hit With A Reality Stick (TM)

I don't know what they put into the water at the White House (enriched uranium, probably) but suddenly the Bush Team looks like they're going to treat Iraq, Iran and Syria as if they are credible, sovereign nations!

Yeah, I'm surprised, too!

They should, and my only worry is that this is a ploy. As in, we'll show up to your little Iraq security pow-wow, and then when you don't do what we want, then we'll start bombing you.

Hmmm. I've heard that strategy before somewhere. Which one was it? Afghanistan? Iraq?

The better question is, which one of the countries that we've waged "war" on has not followed this progression? Maybe some administrations actually intended to resolve things diplomatically (as opposed to this one, where a genuine, well-intentioned diplomatic strategy is hard to believe) and it didn't work out that way, but this seems to be our foreign policy-o-meter.

Very Sneaky

I love how they put all the important news on the virtual front page on Sundays, when the lowest population of users is present on the internet - or, really getting off their lazy and/or religious asses to look at current events.



Oh, the horror... the horror... the horror...

These Are Your Shoes, These Are My Shoes...We've Got Issues

I love you, Slug!


They've got quotes and speech writers, public appearances and eloquent ways of saying stuff, but the candidates' opinions can be pretty well summed up in a few words. (I wonder why they don't try that?)

And the opinions of the candidates on Iraq during this particular sweep of public sentiment are....(drumroll please)

The Democrats

Biden: "We should have known!"

Clinton: "I would have known!"

Dodd: "If only we had known!"

Edwards: "I was wrong." (The only one with a respectably honest answer, so far.)

Gravel: Excuse me, but who are you?

Kucinich: K-k-k-krazy Kucinich, thinking war is bad for Americans...

(I must take a moment here to say that the utterly arrogant, unconscious use of the term "American" to refer exclusively to US citizens is sickening and closed-minded to me. If I ever use that term on this blog, please know that I mean it to be dripping with sarcasm and/or satire of a person or people who believe that we are the only human beings to inhabit this hemisphere.)

Obama: "I knew."

Richardson: "I still don't know."

The Republicans

Brownback: "They need us!"

Hagel: "I do regret that vote [in favor of invasion]." (Respectablly honest answer #2)

McCain: "They still need us!"

Giuliani: "They want to kill us!" (Last I checked, no Iraqis came to the US to kill anybody, nor are any Iraqis walking around on our turf like they're the Sharks. But us Jets sure are struttin around in their hood.)

Huckabee: "This is World War III, and we can't afford to lose." (Actually, Huck, we can't really afford to fight, either.)

Hunter: "We're doing the right thing."

Romney: "We're doing the right thing, the wrong way."

Tancredo: Who? "We didn't know."

Thompson: Excuse me, Tommy Thompson is running for President??

Let's Go To War With Egypt!

Woohooooo!

Now we have a reason to go to war with those intolerant, insecure, fascist Egyptians - finally!

So we've got a ruined Iraq, a reemerging Taleban in Afghanistan, a riled up Iran, and now, a free-speech-punishing Egypt to take care of.

So when's WWIII?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

If anything should convey to Bush that Iran is ready to fight, it's that they couldn't possibly give a fuck about our attempts at sanctions against their nuclear program.

And President Ahmadinejad is right! What sets the US and Europe, and Russia, and India, and China apart from Iran, really? Are they any more responsible with nuclear materials or weapons than Iran? History has proven that is not true. The US is especially guilty. Anyone remember Hiroshima? Nagasaki?

I took a survey this weekend among the informed and politically savvy of my acquaintances, and the consensus seems to be that Bush can definitely get into a war with Iran before the end of his administration. But, fuck! Are you serious?

Congress doesn't even want to send the additional troops to Iraq. The military is overextended (organizationally, politically, strategically) as it is, and there's no way that the rest of the Middle East isn't going to fucking pounce on us if we actually strike Iran.

If Bush believes that he's on a mission from God (his God, not mine, probably not yours) then there's really no reason to think that the logical arguments will carry any weight. And that, in and of itself, is reason to be afraid.

US The Beautiful

Fuck! Blogging on a Saturday with my eyes still glued shut with sleep, but this is a fucking diamond!

So's this!

We're Fucked, Seeds Saved

I tried for a funny opener, but this goes back to my organic food paranoia, inspired by the incredibly affective documentary "The Future of Food", and I just can't think this is funny.

It is funny that we have seen the face of the death of our species, and all we're prepared to do is set some seeds aside for the survivors of the planetary Apocalypse, but that's it. Sorry.

The Norwegian government has just issued a release describing the site and construction of the International Seed Vault in a very long tunnel built into the side of a very high, frozen mountain on a tiny island north of Norway, almost in the Arctic circle.

These are the folks behind it, and they really believe that if we have a natural and/or nuclear holocaust, the human race will care about crop diversity.

Let's just hope Monsanto doesn't get there, first.

Waste First, Want Later

How can these people possibly call themselves Republicans with a straight face? I mean, it's one thing that you can't just go in and blow up some brown people like God put you on the Earth to do (God doesn't like to lose wars to those sinners), but to expand the bureaucracy of the federal government by astronomical proportions, with no end in sight?!

The stellar strategizers behind the programming for the Department of Homeland Security have created yet another focus group - the good old Domestic Nuclear Detection Office (oops, I meant, "nucular"), with the requisitely inane mandate and appropriately overblown budget.

New York, you are saved! ...from the event of a nuclear terrorist attack in the form of radioactive materials being shipped into our fair Harbor in freight containers.

I could pick apart every sentence of the NY Times article on this latest Homeland kerfuffle, but there are a few lines that are true stand-outs, and which basically sum up the underlying humor:

"the Bush administration will assess new detection machines at a Staten Island [Why SI? Is there anything on that island that needs protection? Besides those gas tanks, anyway.] port terminal that are designed to screen cargo and automatically distinguish between naturally occurring radiation and critical bomb-building ingredients [I'll take my radiation organic, please, none of that human-enriched shit, thank you].

And later this year, the federal government plans to begin setting up an elaborate network of radiation alarms at some bridges, tunnels, roadways and waterways into New York, creating a 50-mile circle around the city [Because the most likely way that a terrorist would bring a nuclear bomb into the city is to just drive that shit across the Brooklyn Bridge...]."

“How do you create deterrence against terrorism?” said Vayl S. Oxford, director of the Domestic Nuclear Detection Office, the Homeland Security agency coordinating the work. “You complicate the ability for the terrorist to do what they want.” [Uhhh...yeah, you complicate it by...letting the whole world know ahead of time that the government does not yet have a similar system in place, and then provide the proposed construction schedule for the 'deterrent'. This must be some special CIA code, or even better, what kind of name is Vayl Oxford anyway? Sounds made up to me. I think maybe Vayl is part of an Al Qaeda sleeper cell, and this is a message to his brethren that the time is...NOW!]


"...Kelly said that the city would, at least initially, use any new detection equipment to screen vehicles heading into Lower Manhattan. The project would complement a city program to install cameras, license plate readers and devices that can block vehicle traffic, creating a “ring of steel” around the financial district" [This is almost too funny to comment on...but why waste a layup? I've long thought of Manhattan as New York City's penis (BX is the pubis, Queens - why is there no good two-letter abbreviation? - and BK are the balls, SI is the spooge), so the idea of it wearing a cock ring, well...pardon my perverted mind. And then, on a more serious note, what do they really think the terrorists want with the financial district now, anyway? They weren't effective enough on round 1?]

Full NY Times text b low:

February 9, 2007
New York to Test Ways to Guard Against Nuclear Terror
By ERIC LIPTON
WASHINGTON, Feb. 8 — New York City is about to become a laboratory to test ways of strengthening the nation’s defenses against a terror attack by a nuclear device or a radioactive “dirty bomb.”

Starting this spring, the Bush administration will assess new detection machines at a Staten Island port terminal that are designed to screen cargo and automatically distinguish between naturally occurring radiation and critical bomb-building ingredients.

And later this year, the federal government plans to begin setting up an elaborate network of radiation alarms at some bridges, tunnels, roadways and waterways into New York, creating a 50-mile circle around the city.

The effort, which could be expanded to other cities if proven successful, is a major shift of focus for the Department of Homeland Security. As it finishes installing the first generation of radiation scanners at the nation’s ports and land border crossings, the department is trying to find ways to stop a plot that would use a weapon built within the United States.

“How do you create deterrence against terrorism?” said Vayl S. Oxford, director of the Domestic Nuclear Detection Office, the Homeland Security agency coordinating the work. “You complicate the ability for the terrorist to do what they want.”

But even as the new campaign begins, some members of Congress and antiterrorism experts are raising concerns that the initiative, like previous Homeland Security programs, could prove extraordinarily costly and provide few security gains.

“This is just total baloney,” said Tara O’Toole, a former assistant secretary at the Department of Energy during the Clinton administration, where she oversaw nuclear weapons safety efforts. “They are forgetting that no matter what type of engineering solution they try in good faith to come up with, this is a thinking enemy and they will look for a way around it.”

While Homeland Security officials repeatedly declined to estimate the costs of a nationwide detection system, agency documents show they might spend more than a billion dollars on the cargo-screening equipment alone.

Local officials in New York are sparring with Homeland Security over a plan to immediately transfer to local and state authorities the burden of maintaining and operating the network of detection machines when it is completed within several years.

“We are concerned they will put money forward for a piece of hardware and then move to another project,” said Raymond W. Kelly, New York City’s police commissioner. He added that while the city supports the plan, he is not convinced that the proposed detection network makes sense. “Whether or not it works, whether or not it causes too many false alarms, which causes a whole other set of problems, all of these things are still to be determined,” he said.

Mr. Oxford said he is aware of the concerns about costs, which is still the subject of negotiations, and the performance of the new detection machines. But with a threat like a nuclear attack, the country cannot afford to wait until all the details are worked out, he said.

“Our philosophy is not to wait for perfection, because perfection never comes,” he said.

The Domestic Nuclear Detection Office, among the newest agencies at Homeland Security, was established in April 2005, in response to criticism that efforts to combat nuclear terrorism were too disorganized.

The office focuses on blocking two types of plots: a nuclear weapon or a dirty bomb. A nuclear attack by terrorists is considered unlikely, because of the difficulty of obtaining the required radioactive materials, such as highly enriched uranium.

The detonation of a dirty bomb is considered much more feasible. It only requires dynamite or another conventional explosive to detonate a widely available radioactive source — like the cesium or cobalt in certain medical devices. The blast might cause injuries or deaths, but the radioactive residue would cover a two- to three-block area and not pose an immediate health threat. Possible panic and economic disruption could be among the most serious consequences, experts say.

The Securing the Cities detection network, as the New York experiment is called, is intended to stop a nuclear or radiological threat as far away from a city as possible. “Detecting it in the core of Manhattan is too late,” Mr. Oxford said.

The network would most likely include truck inspection stations along highways approaching New York, which would be equipped with radiation detection devices, agency budget documents say. Devices might also be installed at highway tollbooths and at spots where rail, boat and subway traffic could be monitored.

The detection equipment, some of which would be mobile, would be electronically connected and monitored so if a suspicious vehicle passed one spot without being stopped, it might be intercepted after passing another detector.

Some New York agencies already have a limited supply of radiation detection equipment, but the new system would be much more extensive and go much further outside the city.

Mr. Kelly said that the city would, at least initially, use any new detection equipment to screen vehicles heading into Lower Manhattan. The project would complement a city program to install cameras, license plate readers and devices that can block vehicle traffic, creating a “ring of steel” around the financial district.

The actual design of the Homeland Security system and the protocols for how responses to alarms will be handled, are still being negotiated by federal officials and authorities in New York City, New Jersey, Connecticut and New York state.

Benn H. Tannenbaum, a physicist and nuclear terrorism expert at the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Washington, said the system would never create anything close to an impenetrable barrier, particularly for a nuclear bomb, since the required ingredients have low levels of radioactivity and can easily be shielded. But the project still might be worthwhile, he said. “If nothing else, it makes the terrorist think twice before they do something like this,” he said.

Ms. O’Toole, the former Department of Energy official, pointed to Homeland Security’s BioWatch program, set up in about 30 cities in 2003 to monitor the air for a possible biological attack.

The equipment was installed quickly, but there was no detailed plan in place for how to respond to positive alarms, which meant three weeks of confusion among Houston authorities in October 2003, after tularemia, a naturally occurring pathogen, was discovered. “There is this disconnect between these grand schemes for technology and reality,” Ms. O’Toole said.

Laura S. H. Holgate, vice president at the Nuclear Threat Initiative, a Washington-based research group, said the government should put far more energy into a global effort to prevent nuclear materials from getting into the hands of terrorists.

The testing planned on Staten Island at the New York Container Terminal is intended to police concerns about false alarms.

Three sets of new types of detection machines have been installed there. For the first time, such machines sound an alarm when something radioactive passes through, and simultaneously identify the radioactive isotope. That allows officials to distinguish between innocuous items that can emit low levels of radiation, such as granite or kitty litter, and real threats.

Officials at the Government Accountability Office and some members of Congress are concerned that Homeland Security is moving too quickly to buy the new machines. Initial tests have shown them to be not much more effective than existing machines that are a fraction of the cost.

“We know this system is going to be expensive,” said Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, an independent from Connecticut and chairman of the Senate Homeland Security Committee. “We need to be sure it will perform as promised.”

Evil Laugh Pervades US Politics

I wish I were a Republican strategist, because today would be one of those days that I would sit back, watch my carefully planned media messages slowly diffuse through the system, and go get a martini for lunch. Because today is a great day for the Bush administration, and Bushy Republicans.

I woke up this morning to the sweet sounds of Rudy "Adolph" Giuliani announcing that he has "taken the next step to running for President".

Then I saw that my GOPawns had mired the oh-so-principled Democrats in a functionally meaningless debate that takes precious time from the scrutinizing of the draft federal budget. (I probably mentioned that before.)

Then I see the liberal media tear up the clear priorities in said budget. While we still get all the pork barrels we could ever need.

And our carefully laid plans to piss off Iran move steadily forward.

Where's Grandma Pelosi now? Huh? Huh?

MWAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gate Crashing, It's Only Indirectly Relevant

I love inconsistency, especially when I am the beneficiary of it. And this is why I have never trusted authority figures...they say yes, they say no... Do they ever really know what they're doing?

It's comforting to know that our leaders are just as confused.

So, let me get this straight. The Democrats vowed (remember what I said about that before?) to change the regime when they took over Congress in the midterm elections. They promised a visible end to the war in Iraq - which, btw, is not officially a war, since it was never declared one by Congress, but who's paying any mind to the small details that make this country a supposed republic - and we got all excited about that.

But today in Congress they are debating about debating about the Iraq war and what to do about it.

Sigh, why won't anyone listen to me?