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Big bang theory

I watched a hilarious Family Guy episode the other night which surmised that Stewie had created the big bang and, subsequently, the entire universe.

That reference is relevant, promise, but it'll take me a second to get there.

Some people have had a massive, identity defining impact in my life. Friends and family, of course, but with lovers...there have been two.

Two people in 33 years that make my brain leak out my ears, shred my heart into pieces, and dance my soul happily out of my physical limitations into some kind of blissful ether. At least, that's how I felt/feel about them.

In each case, for a brief and utterly wonderful moment, I was absolutely certain that I would be with one of these people a fraking fairy tale. They weren't so sure. In fact, they were both absolutely sure that I wasn't the one for them.

The short and sweet: Saw one of 'em today. Panicked instantaneously. Collected myself, said a polite hello, left. Wondered since whether I'd want him to get in touch or not. Catch up? Are you not married anymore? Cause I'm the same.

Beyond the personal drama: We're not together forever and clearly never how could I possibly feel the way I do? And even more so, be the only one of just us two?

Because that's what you signify to me - like my own emotional big bang.

The whatever-word-that-is-so-much-bigger-than-love that I had for you at another moment in spacetime is so powerful that I believe it can last forever. The self-begetting universe/woman.

Now that's absurdly funny. It ruined my fraking day! And then it didn't. And I'll be using up the last seconds of today vowing not to let it ripple disruptively through my tomorrow. I know the words "let go".

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