Do I use my second veto on the most obviously controversial bill to pass through Congress during both of my terms in office?
...
OR
...
Do I let the "voice of the people" be heard echoing throughout the land as the Democrats ring the death knell for my terror war?
Truth, George? You're fucked either way.
I hope someone in your group of advisors is telling you that, even though you're not listening.
Use the veto and the Democrats look like martyrs. Let that bill pass and your whole end-of-term, Bin Laden-catching, war-winning, blockbuster blowout is blown.
Let's face it. By now you should be sending out resumes, and how is it going to look when you go into your interview with BlackRock and they say...
"So, George. It says here that you were...'the leader of the free world' and the 'defender of liberty and freedom across the globe'. Very impressive. But I noticed that you never used that veto when those pesky Democrats and peace-loving human-huggers got that Iraq Disaster Plan bill passed. That was during your presidency, right?"
"Well, Mr. Giuliani, ya see... It's not my fault! You remember what it was like back then, right? All those people wanting to keep their loved ones alive. And that whole thing about catching Bin Laden, as if he started it..."
"You said he did start it."
"Right. He did. I mean, no. It was Saddam. That's not the point... What I'm saying here is... well..."
"Mr. Bush. Let me stop you here before we waste any more of each other's time. I'm looking for someone confident, forceful. Someone who's going to invent successful investment strategies and stick by them even when the IRS comes around asking questions. Someone who knows how to work the system. And you're just not what we're looking for."
"But, but... Have you seen this autographed photo of me declaring that the war was over on the USS... Well, I can't remember the name of the ship, but... Here. Please, take it! Please!"
"I'm sorry Mr. Bush. We're through here."This is the man who stood in the face of... well, in YOUR face and told you any number of "factually inaccurate" statements [aka LIES].
Do you actually think he cares about your opinion? By now you should have realized that he's not listening to you. He's listening to God.
And his God says...
(whispering) "Psst. George."
(W looks around confused)
(a little louder) "George."
(More confusion)
(sighs) "GEORGE!!"
(Looks up) "Oh, God! Sorry, I was wondering who was talking to me."
"Why? Have you been speaking with any other disembodied voices recently?"
"No! Of course not! Only You, God. Come on, You know that!"
"Well, listen. I want to talk to you about this whole Iraq thing."
"Not You, too!"
(disapprovingly) "George."
"Sorry, God. It's just... everybody wants me to pull out, but I don't want to. And I keep telling them that You're the One that told me to do it..."
"George, I told you NEVER to use my name in vain. Telling people that God told you to do something is like wrapping yourself in a long-sleeved coat and asking the bus driver if he knows the way to Santa's house! What's wrong with you?"
"No! I didn't use Your name. That's not what I meant. I mean, I made it sound like You wanted me to do it. Anyway, now everybody's upset because... well, I'm not really sure why, but they're upset. And Congress has been trying to get me to bring troops back... I'm just really tense. But I'm always ready to talk to You, God. What did You want to know?"
"Are you gonna use that veto?"
"Sheesh! What would You do?"
"Use it! Tell those soft-hearted, New Testament motherfuckers to get over themselves already and win that war! Fuck the casualty list! I'm saying that you're not even doing enough! Reinstate the draft, round up the homeless people and get this party started! WOO HOO!"
"Jeez, God! ... Sorry. I mean... God, why are You so excited about winning the war? Aren't we all Your people on our way to Heaven anyway?"
"George! Do you have any IDEA what would happen to me if Allah won this season on Divine Idol? I would just die! So he's got the 40 Virgin Dancers as back-up, which is totally cheating to me... But have you seen Jesus dance? And the Holy Ghost? It's a nightmare! Not even a simple jazz-hands! And all they want to use for our music is hip hop, and I can't get a good can-can line going during the chorus, cause somebody that sounds like they're from Gomorrah starts talking about all the sinful stuff he's doing with my mom... I mean, it's a creative HELL!"
"I'm sorry to hear that, God, but what can I do about it?"
"Do I have to decide everything? Catch Bin Laden, win the war, and while you're at it, make sure as many Jews and Christians die as possible."
"But don't you want the Muslims to die? I'm confused."
(under his breath) "As usual." (normal echo) "George, the more Muslims go to THEIR heaven, the more voters Allah gets. The more Judeo-Christians WE kill, the more votes I get. Simple."
"Ummm. OK. So, You're saying I should veto? Even if the rest of my presidency is buried in media slander and a total recreation of my meager successes?"
"Yeah, DUH! Just do it! Don't ask questions. What do you think this is? A DEMOCRACY? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA AH HA HA HA... Whew!"
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